i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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