If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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