Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
