I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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