and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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