i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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