you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
