You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
