Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
