then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
