Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Randomize
