State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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