Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
operation harelip BJ is a go
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I am naked and annoyed.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
