You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
