she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Im part way to drunk.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
