How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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