So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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