Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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