your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
