thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
