good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
