he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
