Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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