arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
