theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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