When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
