I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
