If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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