you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
