i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
