Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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