i just had sex bonerless
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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