So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
