you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
