Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
