so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
