If that was your dad, he is hot
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
