I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
