I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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