i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
