But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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