Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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