i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
