help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My dick has a subreddit
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
