You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
