I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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