Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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