ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
