before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
