If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
