He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
