not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
