im holly from the hills drunk
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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